george carlin birthday quotes
Custom and user added quotes with pictures. Authors; Topics; . May you have them both. Thats the problem.19.We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.20.The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.21.Although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me., 22.When youre born into this world, youre given a ticket to the freak show. The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept. We just can't stop people from being homeless if that's their choice. I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose it'll be much harder to detect. Comedian If you want to know more or withdraw your consent to all or some of the cookies, please refer to the. Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. Thank God people dont age as fast as other creatures, because otherwise youd be gone by now. "Life Is Worth Losing". Documentary, Comedy, 2005. Famous Birthday Quote. May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. "If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked.". That's the problem." "Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out." " Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity ." "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups." "In America, anyone can become president. Injuring, hurting, killing, drinking are all part of it, because you've lost your identity, because you now owe your allegiance to this thing that's bigger than you are and that controls you. Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar. "Democracy Now!" with Amy Goodman, www.democracynow.org. May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. How can you not have all day? I hate groups of people. 1999. Napalm & Silly Putty, Hyperion, George Carlin (2004). Brain Droppings, Hyperion. His take on conventional comedy made him one of the most famous and widely remembered artists till date. v. Pacifica Foundation, in which a 54 decision affirmed the government's power to regulate indecent material on the public airwaves (wikipedia). 31. It seems only right. George Carlin (2015). If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders. This significance of this day is beyond just your birthday. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.". Showing search results for "George Carlin Birthday" sorted by relevance. I was looking in the mirror the other day and I realized I haven't changed much since I was in my twenties. 500 matching entries found. 500 matching entries found. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same a**hole your father was.61.One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.62.There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. ", Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. //>. This couldnt be more evident when he said: I think its the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.. "He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly.". Every day we present the best quotes! If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity. I will never be able to forget the support that you have given me. I'm taking your birthday as an opportunity to thank you for all that you are to me. Documentary, Comedy, 1984. The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept. The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done. I always think of that. //]]>, by Quotezine Team November 3, 2013, 10:53 pm. The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity. Happy 60th Birthday! Related Topics. Happy Birthday to you, my dearest friend. 3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?, p.205, Hachette UK. We know that everyone loves a great quote and our mission here is simple to be the best and most interesting quote site in the world! Thank you! I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.40.Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.41.Religion is like a pair of shoes: Find one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes.42.I have as much authority as the Pope. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.35.By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.36.How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelette?37.Religion is just mind control.38.Dont give your money to the church. Teach them to question what they read. Because there's no money in that problem. The planet is fine . There's no present. TIME takes a look at some of the legendary comedian's most memorable lines. And fight songs. If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him. By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh. Carlin was noted for his black comedy and his thoughts on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects. I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood. There's no present. Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. George Carlin. I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it. 1. The Kennedy Center posthumously awarded this year's Mark Twain Prize for American Humor to George Carlin. . George Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, artist, author, actor, and social critic. You've got stuff at home, stuff in storage, stuff in Honolulu, stuff in Maui, stuff in your pockets.supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain. God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well. Im just kidding. And of course this country is founded on the double standard. Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts.18.In America, anyone can become president. They never mention that part to us, do they? George Carlin. George Carlin tags: humor , sci-fi , sleep. Submit Quote George Carlin On Birthdays Quotes & Sayings Showing search results for "George Carlin On Birthdays" sorted by relevance. How do you feel with 60 years of wisdom? What started as a bad first impression, became an invitation to join the football team, and a mentor who would impact his life forever. Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.". I like Florida. Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid., by Quotezine Team April 5, 2018, 5:39 pm, by emmanuel tamrat July 8, 2016, 8:54 am, by Quotezine Team April 24, 2016, 10:32 pm, by Quotezine Team February 15, 2016, 10:17 pm, by Quotezine Team November 27, 2015, 7:19 pm, by emmanuel tamrat September 14, 2015, 2:06 pm, comedianscomedy quotesdeadfunny quotesfunny quotes and sayingsfunny sayingsgeorge carlinlovemarriageone linerspoliticsreligiontop 25. Then you're just what they're looking for. George Carlin (2002). Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. It certainly qualifies. Hope your year is better than those ears! George Carlin (1998). 86 Copy quote. George Carlin put a new spin on what comedy was and how it could impact high-scale decisions. Whats the matter with you? Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. Be happy with what you've got, because the owners of this country don't want that. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. I'm not just 68. He's just sayin' that stuff.'. When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse. I love individuals. Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Happy Birthday, my sugar lumps! Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar., I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. Probably far more. The big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions. Below are the absolute best quotes we could find from this legendary comedian's career. Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends, George Carlin (2002). His special, Seven Dirty Words became the central subject for a decision by the US Supreme Court to allow the government to censor indecent material from airing on public mediums. Selfish, Leader, Ignorant. Happy Birthday, my dearest sister. Our goal is to help you by delivering amazing quotes to bring inspiration, personal growth, love and happiness to your everyday life. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another. That's exactly what I want you to think. There is nothing wrong with the planet. Show more. [CDATA[ You will do things in the name of a group that you would never do on your own. Quotations by George Carlin, American Comedian, Born May 12, 1937. When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse. Get ready for your Birthday prank today as well. When shes not writing for Quotezine, she can be found excessively quoting The Simpsons or binge watching Netflix. When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands. Carlin and his older brother, Pat, were primarily raised by their mother in Manhattan's Morningside Heights neighborhood. ("naturalWidth"in a&&"naturalHeight"in a))return{};for(var c=0;a=d[c];++c){var e=a.getAttribute("pagespeed_url_hash");e&&(! John Allison. Tweet. His stand up routines have covered everything from politics and religion to relationships and the world around us. Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. On your birthday, I promise to keep all your secrets, to flood you with gifts and never to miss a chance to make you smile. There are some secrets we keep because we can't bear to let them out and some because it's better to keep them in. Custom and user added quotes with pictures. "George Carlin: You Are All Diseased". Maybe this time itll work., 31.If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to have selfish, ignorant leaders.32.Conservatives say if you dont give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. 33. I dont wanna die. I will never be able to forget the support that you have given me. If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him. Related Topics. Enter your account data and we will send you a link to reset your password. George Carlin Happy Birthday Quotes. If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him. - George Carlin. I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. We have the war on crime, the war on born on May 12, 1937, Napalm & Silly Putty, Hyperion. A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. More, by Quotezine Team April 5, 2018, 5:42 pm, Do that every single day, and soon you have a wall, In this video, Will Smith delivers an inspiring speechdiscussing a lesson he learned while working for his fathers construction business. On your birthday, I just want to remind you that you are the best person I have ever met in my whole life. By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. There's a reason education sucks, and it's the same reason it will never ever ever be fixed. It always has been. Its been 5 years since his passing, and the world still feels a little emptier without him. So, I dislike and despise groups of people but I love individuals. He had an uncanny ability to cut through the clutter of everyday life, and for this, we want to honor this man with our favorite inspirational quotes from George Carlin. Do you get on before you get on? When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.2.Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. My heart felt wishes and blessings are coming your way on the wonderful occasion of your birthday. Showing search results for "George Carlin 60th Birthday Jokes" sorted by relevance. A person of good intelligence and of sensitivity cannot exist in this society very long without having some anger about the inequality - and it's not just a bleeding-heart, knee-jerk, liberal kind of a thing - it is just a normal human reaction to a nonsensical set of values where we have cinnamon flavored dental floss and there are people sleeping in the street. Don't forget to confirm subscription in your email. 500 matching entries found. Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. The only difference is I look a whole lot older now. There's only the immediate future and the recent past. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.48.Atheism is a non-prophet organization.49.So, have a little fun. - George Carlin. Funny Birthday Wishes 60th Birthday Birthday Funny Getting Old 40th Birthday Jokes Diplomacy Aggressive 65th Birthday Birthday Friends Afterward he met with 100 donors, not campaign donors, heart donors. Want to learn more about George Carlin from his own words? Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free. Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did. In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first. If youre born in America you get a front row seat.23.Thats why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.24.I do this real moron thing, and its called thinking. - George Carlin. Source: George Carlin: You Are All Diseased. We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Tell them what you've painted is wet, they have to touch it to believe. The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. George Carlin. George Carlinis well known for his profoundly funny and provocative quotes and one-liners. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next door playing pinball. What does it mean to pre-board? Happy Birthday, my sugar lumps! I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it. Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom. Our goal is to help you by delivering amazing quotes to bring inspiration, personal growth, love and happiness to your everyday life. And apparently, Im not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.25.Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.26.Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?27.How is it possible to have a civil war?28.War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower-class men off to die.29.Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.30.Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. He loves you. Hope you keep doing the same. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. George Carlin's Estate, via HBO. June 24, 2008. . And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. Show me one guy or woman as funny as Rodney Dangerfield or as good as George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Bill Cosby, or Joan Rivers. "Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class young men off to die. Turning partly light by morning." (as Al . - George Carlin. "What Am I Doing in New Jersey?". "When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?". Deal with it.3.Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that.4.Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.5.A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.6.Some people have no idea what theyre doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.7.The caterpillar does all the work, but thebutterflygets all the publicity.8.Never argue with an idiot. Don't bother what anybody else has to say, you have changed my life and I will never forget that.
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